No Time for urself??

once again i started my journey...
this time desperately hoping it to b a last one,
yeah i m tired of wandering and hav no clue what i want
but definitely a relief from this wordly chant...

i will sure wanna hav a look back
before putting in my life on rack,
i want to go back in memories and find out what made me happy
bcoz it has been really long... since the time i wrote my last song....

money cant buy happiness is an eternal truth
but i see people dying everyday and not knowing this truth...
by the time they realize this they will b half dead
and will again wanna go bak.... to once again follow the code red...

life should b short and full of nice memories
but its never what u want 2 b...
its full of ups ,downs and lots of worries...
live it short and always b ready to die...
so that people remember u even after u lie...

deep down the earth u will meet ur back
and the first question u wud ask is why did i put my esteem on rack..
bcoz while living u were 2 busy to talk 2 urself...
and now you have the world of time but no life for self...

Another Night....

it was a lovely moonlit night
i was standing there waiting for u..thinking of you and only you...
then i had a look at the moon...
it told me u wont come even if i stood there till noon

i told the twinkling stars to tell the moon that u would come
not for me but because it was a way to your home...
this was a dark secret which i kept to myself
as i didnt want others to laugh at myself

then i met loneliness while i waited for u
i told him to accompany me in my struggle
he also told me to move on and stop thinking of u
and i told him its impossible as i m deeply in luv with u

suddenly the atmosphere was filled with a fragrance
and i thanked the breeze for bringing it along with u
i could not look at u when u passed by
but i was too haapy at that moment and could not hide my tears
and with u gone i had only loneliness at my rear...

To the most beautiful girl i have ever seen

whether she loves me or not, is this the question i will keep asking myself lifelong? life is so beautiful when she is with me in my imagination, but escaping this fantasy world,everything looks devoid of creation;

i find it difficult at times to decide whether to curse or to believe it a bliss, i m talking of the time i fell in love with my girl, yeah sure she is mine;atleast in my world, and to tell u what she is the only world which i live in..

Love is the truth of life, there is no one on this earth who has never fallen in love with somebody at some part of life or other, so here i am fallen in this eternal bliss, but sometimes life becomes miserable without a soft kiss..

i am still trying hard to get an answer to my question, may be someday someone will relieve me from my suffocation, i don't know why she said a NO which keeps haunting me days and nights, but i can assure everyone i cannot love anybody else with such charms and delights;

she is my world and i want to be forever in this world where love never ends, i know its a fantasy world and i would be miserable after facing the reality, but for those very few moments i am ready to die a number of times, if GOD promises to give me those moments in all my lives..

she is so lovely,so beautiful and so full of life that everytime i see her, i forget everything else and just want to keep looking at her... but there comes the destiny which forbids me from doing that...

she writes of dejavu' and now i know why i used to think i have seen her before since the first time i saw her..
she is a beautiful person and her innocence is what i fell for...its comparable to a newly born baby and can drive anyone to do anything for her..she is lovely by heart,friendly by nature and loves her family a lot.. but what makes her special to me is just a feeling... an immortal feeling which i felt for nobody else and don't have a wish for that either... its a feeling which makes a person feel like he can do anything..anything to make her happy and keep the charm and glow on her face,no matter what the consequences are..

its true that life goes on but its no more the same anymore her memories will be a treasure for me thruout this life and i will always remember the way she changed my way to look at life.

Wish.....A Last Walk....

I hav been asking this question from myself for quite sometime now....
where did it go wrong..why did i make such a mistake...and how....
no wonder ....i made a blunder...
how desperately i wish to go back...back to that evening which toiled my life...
and i am still finding a way so that i don't have to regret all through my life...

sadly i have got no answer and no means..
but i was always brave enough to keep trying...yeah atleast to me...it seems...
some told that i will move on one day or other...and others thought its just a guy learning to rhyme...
but for me...it was an experience...which cannot fade away with time...
i learnt a lot and still want to keep learning amidst all these pains to endeavour....
even if i have to fall back in peaces and be a ghost just to hover....

i am fed up of asking the question...'why me??'
and i have learnt to bury sadness ....though i am fallen in tears and am bending on my knee
asking God to forgive me for all my wrongs and not to punish in this manner....
and to take away my life as it anyways is just a clatter...
or to give me one last chance to get my love back...
and to put my pride, honour and esteem on rack....

it has been xtremely different so far....and no doubt painful...
still i have to keep going ......a long journey awaits me....and i have to b more thoughtful.....
how i always wish i could walk beside her....and sit infront of her....and pour my heart out...
and then i come back to harsh reality....again back to failure...and clearing my doubt....
and again waiting to go back to my dreams...and my land of fantasy....
where her presence and thoughts are none less than an ecstasy...

today forgive me lord as i say this....and forgetting what i should do and what i have to do...
but i really want to be selfish...and commit this crime.....
i want to steal my love and give her what she wants...
and i ask you to give me strength to forget this wordly chant...
and to die for my love...to fulfill whatever her wishes are and to give her the treasure of life...
and before going please bless me with some time....the time of my life...
wherein i could tell my love....what she means to me....what has she made out of me....and how much i care for her....
a last chance to walk beside her....hold her warm palms...and kiss her on cheek....when my eyes are filled with tears of seperation...
and i could finally see her eyes becoming wet....not with grief of seperation....but because of her failure to understand the true me....
and i would still give her my love when i am gone...when she will remember that one day...the last walk....and finally....me......

What Hurts d Most

what hurts the most...
is being so close..
and having so much to say...
and watching u walk away..

you disappeared from my life before it actually begun..
how i wish to change things and take that one day away...
which turned my life and left me amidst the sea for breeze to sway...

was it hasty and was it a wrong decision...
i could not still decide and to tell u why...
becoz thinking of that moment makes me remember of you and only you...
you standing so close to me and i am talking to you..oh it sounds dreamy ..but it was once true...

dying hundreds of time is the least i can do to take back that moment...and to convert it into a memorable one...
this time ,no mistakes i promise..as being hurt similarly would end me any how...
and than i can't even talk of dying any more...

pretending that everythings ok..or its gonna be ok is a truth which was always a lie..
still harder is to live with this regret that its all my mistake...
have heard that life gives a second chance to everyone..
still living on this hope is all i can do as i can't help loving you..

i would give all of this world away to have you back..
and the sight of you turning your back to me is the worst possible thing that ever happened to me...
so i guess the worst has already happened and i have got nothing to fear...
am already very hollow and empty and nothing but you can fulfill me...

i owe you loneliness and you ..my love which u are totally unaware of..
god ..plz tell her once how much i love her..
and after that i am ready to rip open this heart always bleeding with pain and sorrows..
atleast then she would feel my heart beat and listen the name..and understand my feelings...
no matter that i would not be there to share that moment with her...
but its my last wish ...i want to die for her..

Take My Life....

its not always about being loved
but it also is painful always only to love
i never asked you to love me
but i really wanted u to know the real me

the memories keep giving the pain
the pain which gave me pleasure sometimes
but now i suffer from it as i am used to it
and i know that its not possible to love u anymore

but my heart keeps falling for u ..now i hav forgotten the number of times..
it tells me to get down on my knees and plead to u to love me a bit more
but it doesn't know that it would bring no change,
otherwise i wud hav done this a number of times before

my heart keeps bleeding with tears everytime it sees u...
bcoz it knows what does it mean to hav a life without u...
life continues and so do i..but i really don't know why,
i want to leap forward and its not that i hadn't try;

i am really tired fighting with myself..
and writing again and again on the same issues
but i guess i can't help myself from doing so..
now tears keep falling and i don't know to consider it of joy or of sorrow..
i must say that i have become really very hollow...

ur happiness is the only thing which matters
and i will rip my heart if it comes to chatter
i really love u and u really think nothing of me...
this feeling persuades me to take some actions
but i don't know how i hav controlled myself..

i really fear loosing u...and even the thought of ur departure burns my heart out..
i will do anything to prevent u from going..
u tell me to die and i will cut my nerves to keep u smiling..
oh..yes if this gives u pleasure i will cut my heart out..and request u to keep it with urself..
so that it would beat next to u and will be alive and i can love u for the time immemorial and be myself...

The Search Continues....

its all about a long journey..
i don't know when it started,
but yes i know i m looking for it to get over.

i have been feeling departed for quite sometime..
far from all my beloved ones..far from myself;
want to get back to myself and to my happiness,
but i guess this journey will never end
or it would end only after my end is near.

i want to live for myself
its too much now to live upto expectations of others;
i want to be free to be what i am..
want to throw away my masked appearance...
the same mask begins to fear me in my dreams..
it is like so many of the people laughing at me and my loneliness,
i stand alone amidst all of them and they are throwing stones of failure at me...

is it really all about fighting with urself ...and not even getting time to cheer over ur triumph over one obstacle;
as many more are still waiting for you and laughing to see you being joyous over a tiny one...

people say emotions weaken you...
but what is this life without feelings,without emotions and without love...
better be a stone and stand tall against the mighty sea breezes and the roary splashes..
and feel triumphed over not letting them to cross you...

i m really tired of being a human
and to live amongst selfish stone hearted and so called "humans"...
i wish to go to some place where one can feel the love...understand each others feelings..
a dreamy world free of jealousy and shrewdness..and full of love,emotions and freedom

i guess my journey to my dreamy world is a very tiring one..
but yes i will have to keep moving on my road to fantasy as i have been destined to do so...
to live among these bunch of stony people is like killing myself a number of times...
so thanx to god to have given me endless human pleasure...
but still my search continues..and i have got nothing to regret as i am myself not sure what am i searching for!!!!